I couldn’t get out of bed. Seriously. I just laid there in my room and cried. Constantly thinking of the state my life was in. I had totaled my car, wrecked my marriage, lost my home, and I had no way to see my babies. I wanted out. I had a plan and I was ready to follow through with it. But 3 little babies need their momma and I hung onto life for them. Only them.

Depression isn’t talked about the way it should be. Those who suffer do in silence. The brightest person in the room is usually the one who cries in silence. In those moments of brightness we truly are happy. When that low hits, it’s whatever is below rock bottom.

January of this year I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted change. I began looking for rehabs for mental health but without insurance the cheapest place I found was 65,000. My sisters of course were trying to come up with a plan to help pay. However, I was so low at the time I needed help RIGHT THEN. I checked myself into St Patrick’s hospital for my mental health.

It’s by far been the best decision I’ve made for myself. They corrected my medication and I now do weekly therapy. I feel like a normal person again. I no longer sit with anxiety hives, sleepless nights, or the depression lows.

Today, my life is very different. I wake up on a mission to make each day better. I have an amazing job and work family. My own family is there supporting me every step of the way. I also have some of the best friends who constantly check in on me.

Check on your friends. Really. I know life gets busy. Also, people are quiet with their suffering, open up about it. Tell someone how you’re feeling. Your life is so precious. I know that the feelings I felt at that time were temporary but I never saw a way out. I wouldn’t have had a way out of it wasn’t for my support system.

Today I’m happy to say that I am truly grateful to be here. My life looks so different than what it was in January. There is hope for me. I still have some battles I deal with but I fight them. I’m asking whoever is suffering to do the same. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, there is a way out of depression and I’m living proof.