It was yellow, it was big, frills everywhere and you should have watched the way I could twirl in it. I felt like I just stepped off the set of Gone with the Wind when I wore that dress. Every year for Easter my aunt Pudge or Dana would buy my sisters and I an Easter dress. This one was by far my favorite. I wore it a lot.

Growing up Pentecostal, you go big, or you go home. (Me on the other hand…I go big and get sent home. Ha! ) One tent revival evening all us little girls are in the back. We are watching everyone shout, run, praise and we are doing just the same. We start our twirling until my grandma sees us and makes us sit down. Growing up around it, I didn’t question why or what they were doing. I liked it when everyone got a little wild, it’s exciting. It has a much deeper meaning to me now, than it ever did before.

I remember Sunday mornings we were up at the butt crack of dawn, while momma tried curling hair with hot rollers. Still to this day, I don’t know why that woman even tried curling my hair. We both knew by time I left the house they would have all fallen out. Brandi was probably the one who complained the least. But Libby, oh Libby. Her in a dress back then. She’d rather been barefoot running in the yard with the longest pig tails you’d ever seen. Anytime those church doors were open, momma had us there. We didn’t want to go and looked for every excuse not to.

Around my sophomore year, I was baptized and washed in the blood. That’s the year I lost my virginity. I remember just thinking I was going straight to hell if something happened to me. My mom had given me a promise ring that I still wear to this day. I had broken that promise, and my promise with God. It seemed like the thing to do. Some of my friends had lost theirs, my dads drug addiction had started to show by this point, things weren’t good. I broke down and ran to God. I went to church camp that summer too. I still remember it like yesterday. I was voted most favorite. It seems now that I’m writing this, that’s probably about the time that I started using jokes and laughter when my situation was uncomfortable. My friends and I would travel to different churches for revivals and teen worship nights. There’s one specific night that will forever stand out in my life. We were at a church in Silsbee and there was a Evangelist there visiting. When we are all up front praying, I’m on my knees. He comes and lays his hands on top of my head and we begin praying. He tells me, “Girl, God has big things planned for you”

My heart beamed with excitement, God wanted me and nothing could stop me. Well nothing that is but the rest of my teenage years. If you know anything about growing up the way I did, it means dresses, no pants, no makeup, no TV, no, no, no. Just about to anything. Now I’m sure this will tick some of you off, but this is were we have to remember that everyone is entitled to a difference of opinion. I just felt like those expectations were unrealistic to live up to. I’m not Jesus, but I love him. I’m not perfect, but I’ve always tried to be. Some of the best people I knew wore pants and watched TV. Where they going to hell? I had questions but I couldn’t find answers. I eventually turned my back. I wouldn’t step back into faith until I met Tyler. He’d want to go to church and I just didn’t want to. Most of the reason was I didn’t understand, and I would be going to a Baptist church with him. Where’s Bro Harper making his way across the top of the pews? How about Bro LeBouf shouting “AMEN”. Someone yelling “PREACH”. No ones praying out loud. This doesn’t feel right. I went to Christian Counseling. I sought out help from my new pastor. I had a better sense, but still…

Once the kids came along, I knew the importance of God in their lives. I volunteered for VBS just about every year. Taught Sunday school, worked at a Christian school MDO. Involved in Sunday school groups but in the back of my mind, something was always missing. Until now. You’ll just have to bare with me and wait for my next blog, cause it might gets messy. And I’m not crying today, I made that promise to myself yesterday. (I’ve kept it too)