It’s 5 am and I can hear our new cat Ozzy in the living room. Then I hear music to my ears, Nora’s laugh. She’s up playing with him. Normally, I have to tell her 27 times to get out of bed, but she’s up before me. Not a care in the world with that girl, and I hope she stays that way forever. Marren, my middle daughter, still sleeping. She’s so much like me. Sets her alarms, picks her clothes the night before, wakes up, makes her bed, and gives her all to everything she does.

I roll back over and I snuggle up next to the most precious little boy on the planet, Hayes Grey. He’s the perfect blend of both Tyler and I. So sweet, so loving. I can’t even bring myself to raise my voice at this baby, it crushes him. Ok maybe he’s more like me. He’s like his daddy when it comes to being embarrassed, trying to figure out how to work on something, or getting all excited about a new guy toy. I squeeze him a little tighter and we doze back off.

By now it’s 6:30, the second my feet hit the ground we are running. I promised them donuts but the tardy bell is about to ring. Used to, I had it so together. Well at least I made it seem that way. We grab donuts and and kolaches. I go to toss Marren hers, hits her in the head and we are all laughing. I drop them off at school. Roll my window down telling the 12 more times to have a good day and I love them. Yelling at Marren to hold her brothers hand and walk him to class. I drive off, and I fall apart.

Next thing I know, one of my favorites is texting me at 7:05 keeping me laughing my head off. There’s not a beat Nikki H and I don’t miss. I love how we can look at each other and be thinking the same thing. She finishes my sentences. Then here comes the girl after my own heart. She says I’m coming to stay the night. Girl bring it! That would be Chelsey. She’s beside me now as I write this. Around lunch, I was feeling overly anxious about a text I shouldn’t have sent. But in the famous words of my Jana “I did the shit”. Nikki B text me. She said come me and Skylar at Casa. Without hesitation I went. Nikki is the one that I can lay on the couch with, not say a word just rest my head on her shoulder and she puts her head on mine and we just know. Besides my sisters and Kayla. These are my girls. These are the people I love. The ones that pull me through on days like today.

Tucked in! My babies are sleeping now. The girls went to a talent show tonight and Hayes was my date. He said “I don’t date adults that gross”. He’s right. It is. I’m sitting here watching the fire, sipping my whiskey. Laughing with my best friend and she keeps me from crying. Everything in my life is perfect. My kids, mom, my sisters, my friends. But he’s not here and he’s not perfect but I wanted him to be.