I’m coming back to something I recently wrote but never made public.

I’m sitting in the garage with my best friend. We’ve polished off a bottle of wine. We’ve laughed so hard that I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or laughter that made our faces red. Tonight couldn’t be better. Our kids are playing. Hayes and her son keep us pretty entertained. Her boyfriend makes sure everyone is taken care of. He doesn’t miss a beat. Sometimes I feel like he needs a hero cape. Our girls are dancing in the living room making Alexa play songs we hate but secretly listen to when they aren’t with us. This is the life I love and the people I want to share it with.

Until, I get a message that says “why don’t you step outside” so I do. My heart literally goes to my throat and I run outside to kiss him. He pushes me away. Every single bit of hate he’s saved up over the years unfolds on me. I throw my hands up and walk away. My friends are there to clean up the aftermath.

I tell myself that’s the last time, but I really mean it. How can I look him in the eyes anymore. Especially knowing his latest Christmas tree and earring collection. I can’t look at him because there’s always something that begs me not to give up. I’m thankful I never miss a beat. That what holds me down can’t keep me down. I have too many promises to wake up to in the morning.